Copywriting Lessons From American Idol

Ok, 'fessup time - I'm a closet fan of American Idol, especially the audition footage. And here we are in Season 5, and we're still seeing contestants who (hilariously!) can't carry a tune or a clue. These are people who are self-professed American Idol fans, and yet...yet...they don't seem to have watched one single milisecond of any of the previous shows. So many of these hopefuls apparently have no idea what the judges are looking for. What else can explain the plethora of twins (no couplet has ever made it to the final cut), the costumes (one guy showed up dressed as a jester - didn't get to sing one note), the guy in Las Vegas who sounded posessed (really - he needed a priest and about a gallon of holy water), and the multitude of folks who have clearly never taken the opportunity to avail themselves of a tape recorder ($19.84 at WalMart). It makes me long for the tuneful strains of William "She Bangs" Hung. Audition Hint, people: American Idol is a pop show and they're looking for pop idols. So appearing as a gimmick isn't going to help you make the cut. It may get you in front of the judges, but they ain't gonna send a guy dressed in a duck suit on an all-expenses-paid trip to Hollywood. It's not about what you think is cool; it's about what the judges want. They are your audience Know your audience. This precept applies equally to copywriting. Before you begin to write, ask "What does my audience want? What problem do they need solved? How do I give them what they want?" There's too much "mememe" copy around. You know the kind I mean - blah, blah, blah, me, me, me, blah, blah, blah, me again. This is copy that talks at the audience, but not with the audience. It's copy that blathers on and on - about the company, or the product, or the consultant, or the service - but never gives the audience the information they want. It's all gimmick, and no talent. What your audience wants is the answer to their questions and the solution to their problems. They don't care how wonderful you are if you can't get the job done. It's about their needs, their hopes, and their desires. And if you want to go to Hollywood, you'll give your judges what they want.

Google AdWords "gets it"

Google has introduced a new offline tool for AdWords subscribers: the AdWords Editor. It’s a free management utility that allows users to download their entire account, make changes, and upload them back to Google. Even better, users can make bulk changes, import them into the tool via a wizard and upload them to any campaign and ad group they choose. The AdWords Editor uses a tab-based interface where users can view their campaigns, text ads, ad groups, keywords, and negative keywords. Viewing options include maximum Cost-per-Click (MaxCPC), click-through rate (CTR), and the average CPC and position for each keyword. New AdWords users will find this tool particularly helpful: if user makes a change that may violate AdWords policies, the program will "red flag" the change before uploading. Since the program is still in the beta stage, an Auto Update utility automatically picks up any changes Google makes to the AdWords Editor. Kudos to Google for this idea! It allows AdWords subscribers to manage their campaigns even more easily than before, since they can now do so anytime, anywhere, without being connected. (Not incidentally, it also relieves some of the demand on Google’s resources – a win/win situation). It’s another good day in GoogleLand! Check out the AdWords Editor here...

Consumers Rise Up Against IVR

The Great Escape from Voice Jail I'm nominating Paul English for the Nobel Peace Prize, for his service to better the health of all Americans. Singlehandedly, he has done more to reduce heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, every stress related illness, anger management issues, and just plain incivility. English has published his gift to humanity, The IVR (Interactive Voice Response) Cheat Sheet online and available to all, and has bequeathed sanity to humankind. If you, like me, have found yourself about to pop a blood vessel as you spend ridiculous amounts of time working your way through automated Voice Purgatory, repeating your information two, three, and four times, only to never reach a person , or if you do, to reach someone who seems completely unaware that you have just spent the last 25 minutes repeating your information two, three, and four times, and asks you to repeat it all again, and who then tells you that, they cannot help you, you are in the wrong department, you must be transferred, and please hold, thank you for holding, even though they have given you no other option, and then you wait another interminable length of time, only to have to repeat your information YET AGAIN to another automated set of questions, and then to find, at the end of it all, that you are now speaking to someone in India, who you have trouble understanding because their accent is so thick, who has trouble understanding you, and who, they tell you, does not have the ability to solve your problem, and who says they will transfer you to the right area, which is THE SAME AREA THAT SENT YOU TO INDIA... if, like me, you have then found yourself thinking, "'Going Postal' should really now be known as 'going IVR'" and thinking up new and imaginative ways to do so, one of which involves fastening the relevant company executives to a chair and making them negotiate their own systems for 36 hours straight, with no end in sight, while listening to an endless voiceloop saying "Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us." .... That IVR passes for "customer service" is an abomination, and displays nothing more than a company's complete contempt for its customers. By conveniencing themselves, they are destroying their customer base. Kudos to Mr. English for giving consumers a way to fight back. Here's that link again. I've both printed the page and saved it to my desktop.